is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
