i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
