I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
