it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
