paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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