So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
