Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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