I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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