Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
