You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
