After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
