this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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