Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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