maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
