i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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