he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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