I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dick very happy bro
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
