I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize