We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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