apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
