We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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