If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
