Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
