it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
