fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
