I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
