It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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