sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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