they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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