Ambien. No doubt about it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
