Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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