I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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