The maid of honor just puked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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