Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
