Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
