I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
