Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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