No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
