Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
