you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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