this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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