mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
