Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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