Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
