Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
