I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
