my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
