PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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