Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
