Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
