i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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