So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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