Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
