make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
