What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
