at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
