It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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