I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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