So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize