something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
