My first STD was from a foam party
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
