Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Rumble strips road head = magical
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
