Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
