Umm I'm too high to move.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
