So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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