i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
