We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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