What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
