I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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