dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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