1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im just a social blackout drinker.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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