I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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