Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
