i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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