How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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