she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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