3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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