I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
