Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
