my mouth tastes like poor choices
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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