hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is the high leading the old right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
