If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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