how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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