Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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