True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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