I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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