FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
